Resolutions

I am usually not a fan of resolutions, but this year I decided to make as many resolutions as possible. Maybe if I make a list, one or two of them will stick.

1. I will learn to be more satisfied with my job.
2. I will find a job with more of a future.
3. I will stop being such a "negative nancy" and try to be less cynical.
4. I will get back into shape by going to the gym at least a couple times a week.
5. I will be more on top of our finances.
6. I will be more on top of housework/chores.
7. I will be more diligent with my school work.
8. I will make a valiant effort to be more organized.
9. I will not be disappointed if I do not succeed at my resolutions.

Appreciate life

When I see things tragic happen in other people's lives, it makes me realize that even though my life is not perfect, I'm very lucky to have the life that I do.

Yesterday, a young women lost her 17 year old daugther in a car accident. 14 years ago she lost her boyfriend (my uncle) in a car accident. Also yesterday, a friend from high school spent time at the bedside of her fiance in the ICU while cancer ravaged his body. A very close college friend had a huge scare. His mother is in ICU but luckily now stable.

I am by no means a religious person, but I believe in God. I don't pray much, but I am praying now. Please keep them in your thoughts. It seems like these things always happen in waves, but it makes it especially hard right before the holidays.

Appreciate life. It's the only one you have.

Birthdays, Cats, and Emotions

I am an emotional person! I am proud of that. I cried twice yesterday (well I got teary eyed). My husband sent me a wonderful text for my birthday, and my dad got me a card and put a halo over the woman's head on the front of the card (to signify my mother). It feels good to cry sometimes. Lately, I've been crying because of good things. Someone will do something nice for me, and I'll cry. I'll watch a hallmark commercial, and I'll cry. You get the picture.

One time that I hate crying is when I'm mad. Unfortunately, it seems for me that anger and tears go hand in hand. I can't be very intimidating with tears streaming down my face. Imagine me telling someone that I will get "Medieval on their hiney" while bawling. I wonder if crying while angry is a female thing? I talked to a few other friends, and they tell me that they cry when they're mad too.

Random change of subject...

Are cats weird or just stupid? I love my cats. Well, at least I love one of them. He is very cute, but sometimes I wonder about his intelligence. He has an unhealthy attraction to fire. You can freak him out just by moving your foot, and he is scared of pillows. All of this leads me to believe that my cat is mildly retarded.

Lately though, I think he feigns stupidity to get attention. My conniving kitty has an obsession with pens. He plays with them and stores them under our furniture and rugs. One time I found 17 pens all lined up in a row under a rug in the dining room. He has this knack for finding pens even when they are hidden. I've actually caught him with his head buried in my purse digging for pens! How can a mentally challenged feline figure out all of the possible hiding places for pens? I guess that's part of why I love him. He keeps me guessing.

My talents

I sometimes feel like I'm good at a lot of things, but not great at a single thing. I can sing in tune and sound pretty good, but I'll never be considered a true artist. I can't write music. That is my husband. I'm pretty good at drawing, but I'll never go beyond the second place award I received in an art contest in junior high. My brother is great at art. I relate well with people, and though I do well at work, I'll never be the best in the country. I can act well in community theater, but I'll never win an academy award. I'm a loving and devoted wife, but I'm definitely not the perfect wife.

I thought about all of those things the other day and realized that I'm just not dedicated enough to any of these things. I don't try hard enough to be great. My brother does graphic design for hours a day to be great. My husband practices and writes every night.

The one thing I think I will be great at doing has so far evaded me. I think I would be a great mother. My mother was the best mom anyone could have. Monday will be the 10th anniversary of her passing, and I want to be like her so much. Not many people know that my husband and I have been trying to start a family since May. It has not been an easy thing. When we first started, I figured that it may take a few months, but we would have no problems. Lately, I have been having some symptoms that make me think that I may have some fertility problems. I need to wait a few months to be sure, but it is still so disheartening.

I know our troubles are not my fault. I can't prevent what my body wants to do, but I also can't stop feeling like I'm inadequate. I know that's normal, and I know that I'll get over it. It's just so hard to be patient, especially when I know that I may have some issues. My OB/Gyn wants to do a test that may not be covered by insurance, and it's $900. I also need to go for a stress test on Tuesday for a separate issue, so I've put the expensive test off. I'm hoping that nature will take over and I won't need the test, but if it doesn't happen by the end of the year, I'm taking the test no matter what the cost.

I don't know why I spilled all this personal information for anyone to see, but maybe it's because I want other people who are going through a similar struggle to feel like their not alone. It's okay to feel like this. I know one day I will truly be great.

Neighborly Behavior

Okay. I have yet to have a nice normal neighbor. I'm starting to wonder if neighborly behavior is a myth. I'm particularly annoyed with our current neighbors. Let me start from the beginning (it's not a long story, I promise).

We moved into our new home in June. We were fortunate enough to have many friends and family to help us. We live in a development with townhouses. This means that every townhouse has its own designated parking spaces. We tried to let everyone know this before we left from our old apartment to our new place. All was going as could be expected when another friend showed up after we arrived at the new place. He unknowingly parked in one of my neighbors parking spaces.

We were all sitting around eating pizza when I got a knock at the door. It was my "well-mannered" neighbor introducing himself to me. Actually, the moment I opened my door, he said "Get your car out of my parking space! I'm expecting people and you can't park wherever you want." I apologized and tried to explain that it was one of my friends who must have missed the message to park in the visitors parking. He wouldn't accept my apology and told me to get the car moved. Nice guy, huh?

Well, as time went on, I figured that maybe I just caught him on a bad day. He helped me when I had an issue with my car. He had his daughter out one day and was laughing and smiling as he said hello. His wife even had a conversation with me. I thought we got over our little spat, and I was even willing to overlook the fact that their dogs were constantly in our yard.

My breaking point came on Thursday. I was getting ready for work when the doorbell rang. I found my neighbor standing there looking peeved. He asked if I had a cat. Immediately, I started to panic that one of my cats got out. Once I told him that I had two cats, this was his response: "Are those your trash bags in my trashcan? There is litter in the bags and they are the same type that you use! If people don't pay their trash bill, they shouldn't put their bags in my can!"

There are so many things wrong with this statement:
1. I'm not the only person in the neighborhood with cats.
2. Using Glad trash bags is not as definitive as DNA. How many people do you know that have Glad trash bags?
3. Why would I stick my stinkin' bags in his trashcan when he pointed to my trashcan with my trash in it to prove that I used the same type of bags as the trash culprit.

I'm starting to think my neighbor is an idiot, and I was a little offended at his accusations. I have calmly sat by as my neighbors on both sides let their dogs crap in my yard without cleaning it up. I've stepped in crap while taking out the trash and mowed over crap I didn't see! I'm putting my foot down. I'm buying lawn signs to put up to start with. If it persists, I will call the neighborhood council and get them fined.

Here are the signs I am buying:


Okay, maybe this was a long story.

Give Love a Chance

Everything I have been feeling about Prop 8 has been eloquently been said in this news editorial. I encourage anyone who feels the same to pass this on to as many people as they can.

Beginnings...

Okay, so I've never blogged on a site specifically designed for blogs. Weird huh? I guess it's appropriate for a first blog to be an introduction. I have never been one for conformity, so I'm not going to tell you where I went to school or what bands I like. Instead, let me explain why I created this wonderful blog.

My reasons are selfish. I've never been one to deny who I am. I feel that sometimes I am lacking the outlet to express how I truly feel. I don't want to offend coworkers or annoy my husband with my constant chatter (I do that anyways, but this may alleviate some of that). Whether or not anyone chooses to read this blog is not an interest for me. While I do enjoy the support and knowing that others may feel the same way I do, I don't necessarily need it. If I gain a few readers along the way, so be it.

Okay, so now that I potentially alienated anyone who comes across my musings, let me explain that I am a social person. Perhaps I'm overly social sometimes. I feel that many times I lack the filter most people have to prevent myself from saying inappropriate or annoying things. I wonder sometimes if that is the reason why many of my coworkers detest me. (yes detest is the correct word). I am very nice and maybe a little too nice at times, but I am also guilty of putting my foot in my mouth so much that I should be sucking on my big toe as a common pastime.

I think maybe I should stop now for fear that again I will say too much. I am new to this "official" blogging thing, and I think that I can take only so much of my unedited self. Besides, I'm no good at ending stories and papers, so why should I be any better at ending a blog!