Ha ha!

What a great day! My coworker had to bring her daughter to work and she is a riot! What a nice break from the everyday monotony of work. I just got a playdoh cookie for a snack!

Boredom

Holy Heck! 3 hours into my Christmas vacation and I'm already bored! Poor M has to work, and I did a lot of the cleaning yesterday! I am working up the motivation to go to the gym. Maybe I could organize the second bedroom!

I can't even imagine what I would be like if I were unemployed. I need to come up with a hobby. Maybe I'll teach myself to knit!

New blog

I've decided to create a new blog just for my infertility issues. I'm going to clean this one up, take out anything too hurtful or personal, and make both public.

Here is my new blog:

http://ahackerbaby.blogspot.com/

Update on doctor

I had a doctor's appt today. I asked for the fill in doctor I had when I had my past test. He was very nice and listened to me. This time around, I felt like a human being. He took my concerns seriously and even gave me some ideas of what might be wrong.

Since my paps and other testing came back normal within the past year, he doesn't think that it is a physical problem. It is most likely hormonal. It is either that my lining is too thin (I would need to take estrogen to help build up a better lining) or I don't have adequate progesterone to maintain my lining after ovulation (I would need to take progesterone supplements and take a pregnancy test every month to prevent miscarriage). I'm so happy to know that we are actually doing something about my issues, and I wasn't blown off.

Wednesday, December 9th, I go in for another ultrasound and bloodwork. This should measure my lining and my hormone levels. I am not looking forward to the ultrasound. The last one was so painful I almost passed out! It's worth it if I finally get some answers. The big questions is why did this happen in the first place? I blame birth control. I don't know if we will ever know for certain.

How long before I call the doctor again..

Okay, I did not mean to make this blog solely about my "feminine problems", but since really only woman can read this, I figured it's okay. I am wondering if I should call my ob/gyn soon. I don't want them to think I am overreacting, but this is the second month in a row where my spotting has gotten noticeably worse.

I spotted 8 days last month and then had a 4 day period and spotted for another day. That's 13 days of bleeding. My cycle is typically 27-28 days. I am already spotting again this cycle and my cramps have already started. It started on cycle day 17. If my cycle is at my normal length, that means I will bleed for 15-16 days this cycle.

I know that when I brought it up to my ob/gyn before, he didn't seemed concerned. I am thinking of asking for another doc in the practice and setting up an appt. I am also thinking that maybe I should wait one more month instead, so I have another cycle to see if it happens again. What do you think?

I'm really worried that something is definitely wrong with me. I'm also annoyed, because it seems like there are more days when I have to wear some type of feminine product than when don't. It's definitely not convenient and I'm sure my husband hates it too.

more pics...

Got my pics!

An I rocked the photoshoot! I can't make up my mind which shots I like the best. I'll post a few of my favs for you, but if you know me on facebook, help me out. It's really hard to pick just a few to add to my portfolio.

Funny

From awkwardfamilyphotos.com

Tell me this isn't the funniest thing you've ever seen!

Where the heart is...

So I had a fun time at the doctor's today! I thought I was just going to go in to talk about getting back on ADD meds, but it turned into a full out appt. He seemed concerned because I was never tested for my racing pulse. I explained that I think it is a reaction to too much sugar in my system since that is when it always seems to happen. He seemed more concerned, so I had to get blood drawn again. I'm also back to the cardiologist for more tests to be done. Fun!

I'm too young for these problems! He did call in a prescription for Wellbutrin for me. It's an antidepressant, but it apparently works well for ADD. I can no longer take any of the traditional meds because of my heart issues.

$30 challenge!

My goal this week is to spend $30 on groceries for both of us! This includes food for lunches. Can I do it? I am creative! We will see!!!

Plan- Bread is really cheap. Lunch meat. Sandwiches for lunch.

Salads a couple of days. Soups, pasta, hamburger, etc. I think I can do it!!!

Money and photos

I know I've put out my money issues for all to see, but I don't care. I don't have the money to get my car fixed!! Argh. I also have to come up with money to pay for school! I did start my part time job on Sunday, but I need money sooner than that. I am thinking of trying to sell my yard sale items I've been saving on Craigslist. Has anyone had any luck with that? I may even ask my dad if he has anything he needs to sell. He is always complaining that he has no room for anything.

I did my photoshoot last night. It went well. I was mortified at one point because I thought I saw a tick and freaked out. I accidentally flashed the photographer. Eeek. How embarrassing. I think he was even more embarrassed. I decided against lingerie, though I do have a series of shots wearing an old fashioned nightgown. It really is kind of neat, and looks more like a formal floor length gown.

My shots were pretty PG-rated with a little sexiness thrown in, which I'm happy with. My theory is that if my dad would be uncomfortable seeing them, I don't want to do them. What if I would look for a job, and they would come across the pics?

Needless to say, I am pretty darn proud of myself. I did a bikini shoot and wasn't that uncomfortable. I also had to walk through knee-high grass barefoot. I have a horrid phobia of ticks! I did it though, and I didn't complain. No ticks either!

One more weigh-in

Okay, I don't want to jinx myself, but it looks like I lost another pound. I took a day of rest yesterday to let my body recoup. I also lost another more inches, but I'm believing it is a loss of water weight. Here is my measurements today (I will not be disappointed if they go up):

Weight: 133lbs
Hips: 37"
Waist: 27"
Forgot to measure bust

As a side note, AF is due on the day of my photo shoot. Bummer...

My progress

I am not making miraculous progress, so I believe I will have to bite the bullet and tell the photographer that I'm not ready for a fitness bikini shot. I am making progress though. I've gotten a lot of advice on crash diets and fasting, but I'm determined to do this in a healthy manner. I've been doing cardio almost every day, and I've been lifting weights many days. I am averaging 6-8 glasses of water every day, and I'm trying to eat healthy balanced meals. Most of my fat is coming from nuts and yogurt.

Here is my progress in 1 week:

weight: 134 (down 2 lbs)
hips: 38" (down 1 inch)
waist: 28" (down 1 inch)
bust: 33 1/2" (up 1/2 inch)-Not expecting that one!

Also, I've notice that my skin has been tightening up around my face from all the water I've been drinking. My neck is also less saggy. My biggest difference since working out is that my saddle bags have almost disappeared. I didn't measure my thighs, but I guarantee that I lost at least 1 1/2" from each thigh!

It's nice to see results.

Panic

I just found out today that they want to do a fitness/bikini pic at my photo shoot on 4/26. I am by no means ready for that. I am fully in panic mode. For 10 days I will eat like its an obsession. No sugar, no refined carbs, minimal fat. I will exercise 6 days a week. I will tan to make me look thinner. I am going to put myself out there and post my weight and measurements. This way I am being public and am more committed to my weight loss.

Last weight: 136 lbs.
Hips: 39"
Waist: 29"
Bust: 33"

Height: 5' 4 1/2"

Positivity

Okay, I'm trying to keep this blog positive, but I'm a little annoyed right now. I'm almost positive I'm getting a Urinary Tract Infection. We leave for vacation tomorrow. This is really bad timing. I haven't had a UTI for almost 2 years. I used to get them all the time. I'm giving it another hour to confirm. I am an expert at this point. Then I guess I'll call the doc and insist on being seen today. I need antibiotics asap. I am not going to suffer through vacation. If you have never had one, it is very uncomfortable.

Results

I'm still not losing any weight, so my only conclusion is that I must be gaining muscle. I measured myself today. I lost 3/4" on my hips and 1" on my waist! I am so surprised. A few days ago, I measured myself and didn't see a difference at all. This is such a quick change. Granted I was in such poor shape when I started working out that my legs almost gave out after 10 minutes on the elliptical. Though it's aerobic exercise, I had to be gaining muscle. I had no strength, and in a little more than a week, I can use it a half hour with moderate effort.

I am also using Callanetics. It's a cheesy video from the 80's, but it really works! It a combo of dance, yoga, and stretching. It's hard. It makes a huge difference, and I also think it is slightly starting to tighten up my neck!

On a side note, we only have two more days until we leave for Cleveland! I am so excited. It has been so long since we really went anywhere, since we're on such a tight budget.

10,000 steps

My work is having a 10,000 steps a day challenge. Since I have been working out pretty consistently, I decided to sign up. Today was our first day, and I already have 9000 steps! I will blow that number out of the water! What a great first day!

On another note, I booked a trade show for the end of the month. I have the opportunity to make a lot of money and I'm really excited about it. I'm taking a few vacations days, so I will essentially be getting paid at my full time job and at the trade show!

Update on working out:
-So far no weight loss
-No inches lost, but my pants are fitting looser. How is this happening?
-I am taking a break on finding dialects, it's really hard to find quality tutorials. I may just take a class sometime in the future.

Okay, I lasted 20 minutes today, but I pushed myself harder. I'll take it!

Keeping it up!

I did it! I did the elliptical for a half hour yesterday. It was rough, but I was successful. I also limited myself to 1300 calories yesterday. I can do this!

On a rough note, I'm paranoid that I might be getting sick. My throat has been killing me since yesterday. I'm hoping that it is my allergies, but a friend from work has strep. I was around her this weekend, and we were in a car together. So far, I don't have a fever, but that would really suck. I just hope I'm healthy for our trip to Cleveland next weekend.

Plan for today:
-Another 1/2 hr on the elliptical
-Find some good training to improve my accents
-Weight training later in the day

Changes

I'm hoping to undergo a lot of changes in the next month, both physically and mentally.

I went to a casting call on Sunday, and one of casting agents from New York really liked me. He told me to send up my headshots and resume, and he would be able to book me for stuff. This is the first time I've actually been in front of a professional agency that does major casting. It actually went well.

Manian is super excited and is actually urging me to follow up. This means I have to make a lot of changes in my life. For one, I'm not going to prevent pregnancy, but I'm also not going to stress out and actively try for a few months. If it happens, it happens. Secondly, if I'm auditioning for commercials, shows, videos, and movies on a national level, I have to be competitive. This means getting my butt in gear and working out 5 days a week.

I have a photo shoot April 26th to get my headshots and portfolio professionally done. I am also working on making my resume look good. The agent told me he would help me tweak it (this may mean taking some professional training to make me easier to sell).

To be honest, I'm a little scared that I'll be doing all this work and it won't pan out. I have that little voice in my head that says "you're not good enough". I know everyone gets that voice, and that's what drives them. I need to just quell my fears and go through with it.

Manian said it right when he said that both of us are not meant to have 9-5 jobs. We are too artistic and love performing too much. He really wants this to work for me. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful husband. He actually told me last night that I have sat on the sidelines and supported him for years. It's time that I do this for myself, and he supports me in all of it, even if that means I will be driving back and forth to New York on a regular basis.

Day 1:

- 1/2 hr on elliptical (if I don't pass out!) I can barely do 5 minutes, but I'm going to try to slow down and pace myself.
-bowl of cereal for breakfast, salad for lunch
-start researching professional acting resumes

My eye appt

Good news. It's just allergies. I was beginning to suspect that was the problem when I took an antihistamine and the pain went away. I get weird little bumps inside my eyelids and it causes pain when I'm wearing my contacts. I just need to take my allergy eye drops and an antihistamine and I should be good to go!


As another annoyance, all the blogs I was following have been deleted! According to blogger I am not following any blogs. I am so annoyed because I was following about 15 blogs and it will be hard to find them all and add them again! Argh! @#!&*$

My poor eyes!

I am determined to get contacts! Maybe I'm vain, but I like the way I look without glasses. I need to be able to see though.

This is my 3rd attempt at contacts. The cycle is always the same. It starts out fine, but by the 3rd or 4th day I start getting stabbing pains in my eyes. I felt confident this time around. I put my right contact in today (this is my 5th day!) and all was well. I put my left contact in and whoa nelly! Stabbing pain. It's always worst when I first put it in, but it remains uncomfortable all day. I am forcing myself to keep it in, and I called the eye doctor. I'm bound and determined to find out why this keeps happening. Wish me luck! My appt is at 3:30pm.

QVC

I am seriously considering auditioning to be a host on QVC. It may be the perfect job for me. I love to talk enthusiastically about things. I always wanted to be a performer. I love shopping, and QVC is less than a hour from my house.

I have contacted a few photographers, and I am researching headshots. I also need to figure out what I'm going to sell for my audition tape. I was thinking about using my food processor. What do you think?

My Back

Well, I got the deal of the century this week. We have wanted to get in shape, and I have been dying to get an elliptical. Unfortunately, we are on a very tight budget right now. I was inspired and decided to look on ebay. I bought a $400 elliptical for $45. I picked it up today, and it is like new! What a great deal!

Unfortunately, I threw my back out moving the new piece of equipment. Now I can hardly move. I want to call off work tomorrow, but it's the first day of class. I guess I'll wait and see how I feel tomorrow. I think I'm more disappointed, because I can't try out my new exercise machine!

Bad Wife

Thursday Manian had his wisdom teeth out. He is doing fantastic. He hasn't complained at all and really isn't in pain. I'm sure the meds are helping, but I'm so proud of him. I did all the correct things and changed his gauze when he needed it. I made sure he ate something, and have been making soups since he can't handle solid foods. I can't help but feel a little guilty though for giggling at him when we got home.

Those of you that have helped someone who has just woken up from sedation may get this. I took M home and he insisted on doing everything himself (typically man I guess). He walked up the steps while bumping into the walls at every step. He insisted on getting into more comfortable clothes by himself. Then, he stomped around gathering items to make his "nest". He grabbed a pillow and the throw from our bed. He has never used the throw on our bed, since we have one out in the living room, but I didn't argue. The whole time, I was chasing him around the house telling him that I can help him. He kept mumbling and doing a weird shuffling, stomping walk while mumbling incoherently.

I couldn't help it, I started laughing uncontrollably. I know he couldn't help the way he was acting. He was still drugged up, but it was hilarious.

He doesn't remember any of it.




Oh, and I got a 98% as my midterm grade for Web/Javascript!

My attempt at being a paid author!

My writing
I've recently realized that I can make an okay part-time income from writing. A lot of this is dependent on the number of people that read my articles. I am going to post my published articles from time to time. Please do me a favor and check them out! Thanks!

I promise that they are interesting and useful!

I'm really excited, because I actually got paid for my first article! Here it is!!

Bad Kitty- Dealing with Behavioral Problems in Cats
Tips on dealing with bad behaviors in our pet cats. This includes not using the litter box and scratching.
http://www.associatedcontent.comarticle/1508041/bad_kitty_dealing_with_behavioral_problems.html

Melting Away

I have officially lost 10 lbs! I don't know why it's been so easy this time around. I really haven't been trying that hard, but I'm not complaining! I am shooting to loose another 10 lbs by the end of March (that is unless I am pregnant)! Swimsuit body here I come!

Love and such

Every year Valentine's day falls three days before my husbands birthday. As a child of December, I understand the importance of keeping birthdays and holidays separated.

Since Manian and I really don't believe Valentines day has to be a huge event (every day is Valentine's day for us), we decided to spend a quiet evening at home. We didn't exchange gifts. We just enjoyed a nice, fattening dinner of fettucine alfredo and tiramisu. We bought a bottle of wine, but us old people tend to get sleepy after a heavy meal. We never made it to the wine and were in bed by 11:30.

Manian's birthday is on Tuesday, and I wanted to give him a nice gift since he has been working so hard at his job. He hasn't really had a chance to take some time off and is way overdue for a break. I decided to look into The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Last Monday I did the research and realized that it was surprisingly inexpensive to go! I had been planning the surprise all week. I copied a picture of the hall of fame and put it in a card for him. It took all I had not to blow the surprise. I knew it had been a dream of his to go for a long time.

I let Manian decide if he wanted to open his birthday card early, and as usual, he got impatient and opened it last night. I am proud to say that he thought it was one of the best birthday gifts he has ever received. April 11th here we come! I am so excited that I have been fidgety all week!

Modeling

I've decided to try and get back into modeling. I was never incredibly successful at it, but I did manage to land a few paying gigs. I have a few friends that are doing some modeling, and I've felt the urge to get back into it. Coincidentally, I've had several photographers contact me because they wanted to work with me. I started thinking about how much fun I had, and I could use the extra money.

Now comes the hard part. I've gained about twenty pounds since I last modeled. I need to lose weight. I've already told a few photographers that I will start doing shoots sometime in March. I've already lost about 8 lbs in the past 4 weeks without exercising. I am going to start my exercise plan this week. I need to lose about 10 more pounds! Wish me luck! If you're interested, here is my online portfolio:

One Model Place

For fun...

Do you have any bands or musicians you will listen to when no one is looking? I mean "turn up the radio in the car, sing all the words, but never mention it for fear of looking like a total drag" type of listening.

I sure do! Since I have no fear of looking like a total dweeb, here are my guilty pleasure musicians:

1. New Kids on the Block* (this may not count since I readily admit to listening to them)
2. Foreigner
3. Michael McDonald
4. Hall and Oates*
5. Michael Bolton (not all of it though- just Time, Love, and Tenderness...)
6. N'Sync*
7. The Cocktail Soundtrack* (technically not a musician, but equally lame...)
8. Anita Baker


*I possess some type of recording.

I'll add on as I can remember them.

Saying Goodbye..

I am shortly on my way to drop of Belle at the Humane Society. I am doing something I vowed I would never do: surrender a pet. I have always had the strong belief that if you take responsibility for a life, you need to make the commitment to care for it through good and bad. Unfortunately, our cat has now developed problems that could endanger any future children, and we cannot correct. She refuses to poop in the litter pan and she uses the carpet as toilet paper. I am constantly scrubbing and steaming the carpets. She also does not get along with our other cat.

I've thought long and hard about this, and I cannot be cleaning up feces on the floor if I am pregnant. We definitely cannot have a baby crawling on a carpet with gross things smeared on it. I know that sounds gross, and it is.

The thing is, we've tried to be responsible with her. We've taken her to the vet many times to try and fix the situation. We've tried changing the location of the litter pans. We've tried grooming. We've tried to find a new owner for her. Over the past 2 years, we have tried everything. Finally, I contacted the humane society and explained our situation in depth. They have agreed to take her.

I have been told that they do not euthanize animals that are healthy and adoptable. I really hope Belle can find a home. I feel terribly guilty and like I am a failure as a pet owner. Today will be a bad day for me, but I know it needs to be done.